Thursday, June 07, 2007

A piece of me is missing and it hurts badly......

I was on a Bicycle Pub Crawl with my friends on Saturday when I got the call at 4pm that they took my Mom to the hospital due to dehydration. It was pouring rain and I made the trip back to my car and straight to the hospital. When I arrived she was laying in emergency and seemed OK but she looked really weak and was laying in a fetal position. Most of her hair was gone due to the chemo and she was having labored breathing. I pulled up a chair and just held her hand for the next 10 hours as they administered pain medication and breathing treatments. She kept urging me to go home and rest. During one point she started to hallucinate and I had to calm her. It was around 3am Sunday morning when they finally got her a bed and I went with her to make sure she got settled. After she was in bed and they all left her I stayed in there with her and she was in a daze and still had labored breathing. I spoke to the nurse to find out what they were going to do for her and she said to rehydrate her and get her feeling well enough to go home. So I made sure they had my # and I kissed my Mom and told her I'd be back in a few hours and I left. I laid in bed at 4am and at 5:17am I received the call from the hospital I need to come back that my mom had took a turn for the worse. I arrived at the hospital at 5:35am and was told my sweet Mom had passed at 5:28am, I knew in my heart I should not have left in the first place........

Helen Irene Malinowski was born in Detroit on March 15th, 1929. She was one of 13 in her family. Her Mother died when she was 5 and with all the other kids it was too hard on her Father to raise them all so most went to foster homes. My mother went to a foster Family named "Foy" and when they received her they changed her last mane to mirror theirs for what ever reason they might of had. My Mom graduated from St Marys in Royal Oak in 1947 and went to work for GM as a secretary. Then in 1956 she met Richard Tobininski, an Army Sergeant who impregnated my Mom and then took off like the coward that he was. My Mom was forced to to bring me up alone, which must of been scary back in the 50's. Then real early in my childhood, my Mom was walking down Woodward Ave on her way to work and something just snapped inside of her and she was overcome by a overbearing fear and that she need to get back home urgently. From that point on till her death she had life changing and crippling phobias and mental struggles. At some point they become too hard for her and she was hospitalized and no one in my family would step up and take care of me so I was sent to boy's home and foster homes till I was 18. During that time I saw my Mom on weekends and she did the best she could to raise me. During all this time with all her struggles and battles she was always kind and giving to all she met. She always had a smile but you could always see the fear and uncertainty in her eyes from the struggle within. Just in the last 10 years was I really able to get her in a assisted living environment that really brought up her quality of life and she seemed to really be getting the help she needed. She seemed more at ease and things were pretty well under control.

Then in November of 2004 while I was going through the Coral Watt's trail my Mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, but being the caring soul she was she waited till after the trial was over to even tell me about it so I didn't have to worry. Then and only then did she start her surgery and treatments. All went well with them being able to remove it and the radiation took care of the rest. For the next 2 years she did fine for a woman of her age. She was really bonding again with all her grandkids and great grandkids and just having the time of her life when sickness reared it's evil head. On May 2nd 2007 my Mom was rushed to the hospital because of trouble breathing and then they discovered a mass on her lungs and then they did an MRI and discovered a tumor. They said it was small cell and was spreading fast and they had to act aggressively to help her. So radiation and chemo was started immediately and just last week they had to stop the chemo due to her white blood cell count going to low and her risk of infection was too great. But all last week she seemed to be the best she had been in a long time.
I was luckly enough to see my Mom everyday during all of this, but I never told her of her dying since she had told me she didn't really want to know but I could tell in her eyes that she had some kind of idea. My heart is broke and I feel like things just are not right in the world as of now and I actually feel alone now that my Mother is gone. I find all the whole death thing very tiring and draining. I still have not had my moment I don't think. I will so sorely miss her, but I'm also so happy ALL of her suffering and struggle are finally over and she can rest. I love you Mom.
My Mom's memorial mass will be Friday June 15th, 2007 @ 10am. It will be held at St. Michaels on Plymouth rd in Livonia, 1/2 mile east of Merriman, on the southside of Plymouth rd.
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